Growing up we have all experienced our share of ‘best friends’ that our mothers warned us about, but we continued harbouring these toxic friendships anyway. In the hindsight, those experiences may have prepared you for the rapidly changing relationships of adulthood, but not without leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

So, as a parent, almost nothing is heartbreaking as seeing your little one in the same position and getting involved with a friendship which is clearly toxic. Since the signs that your child is being belittled or teased in any way aren’t always easy to spot, here is a list.

The friendship is toxic if:

Attacks your child’s self-esteem
Your child’s so-called friend mercilessly teases him or constantly undermines his self-esteem. Moreover, if they do it in a social situation (in front of your child’s peers or other people) and laugh it off as a joke, then this friend is not only toxic but just might be a master manipulator as well.
It is a clear case of power imbalance

There is a clear power imbalance between your child and his/her friend as plans seem to always get made according to their “friends” needs. Pay attention if any of your kid’s friend is inflexible to your child’s schedule and wants things to be done his way–all the time. Furthermore, it is especially scary if your child seems desperate to please them, no matter what the cost.

It is constantly hot and cold

The friendship is very on and off as fights occur and are just as easily resolved until toxic behaviour shows up again. One example can be that they may badmouth your child, spread rumours, but when they are confronted instead of taking responsibility of their actions, they end up gaslighting your kid into thinking that they haven’t done anything wrong.

A term that depicts this type of friendship is ‘frenemies’ because all the attributes are more typical with a relationship that we have with a person we despise, instead of a friend. Hence, it is just under the false pretence of being “friends” that your child lets them get away with this kind of behaviour.

What can you do?
For starters, it is extremely important to engage in a healthy discussion with your child about the friends you believe aren’t doing them any good and try and be as rational you can about the same. If possible cite real-life examples of recent fights, which will help your little one understand the situation better.

It is crucial that you let your child know that you are on his/her side instead of outright forbidding them from being friends with the said person. Doing so is likely to just send them running in the opposite direction. Try not to attack the friend as your kid may take it personally, but only show what the ‘friend’ is really like.