Leah Messer is all set to publish her memoir next month …
And boy, is it going to be a tough read.
She’s been promoting the book, titled Hope, Grace & Faith, for a while now, but now that it’s almost time for it’s release, more and more excerpts have been coming out.
We’re going to talk about a few of those excerpts today, but be warned — this is some pretty heavy stuff.
1.
Let’s Get Started
There’s a lot to go over today, so let’s just get right into it, OK?
2.
Hope, Grace & Faith
Leah Messer has written a book all about her life so far, and it’s being released on May 5th. It’s titled Hope, Grace & Faith — all important concepts to her, and also the middle names of her three daughters.
3.
So Many Memories
Since Leah’s been on reality TV for several years now, there’s a lot we know about her life, and we know that much of it hasn’t been easy.
4.
So Much Sadness
We know that she got pregnant in high school with a guy she didn’t know that well, that they got married too soon and were too immature for it all, and that she dealt with a drug addiction a few years ago.
5.
Sharing More
But the book is going to cover a lot more — there are some things we never knew about, and some things we thought we knew but turned out not to be real.
6.
Honestly Though
And guys … Leah’s life has been really, really hard.
7.
Here We Go
A couple of weeks ago, Leah revealed that she’d been sexually abused as a child, and in a new excerpt from the memoir, she reveals some additional details about that. It’s a bit explicit, so feel free to skip over this bit if it’s too upsetting to read.
8.
So Heartbreaking
Up until now, she hadn’t revealed the identity of the person who abused her, but now we know it was a teenage girl who babysat her when she was just 5 or 6 years old.
9.
Oh No
“Sometimes she would chase me and try to kiss me,” Leah wrote, “and I would have to run away and hide. I really wanted her to like me, but at the same time, she made me feel weird and uncomfortable.”
10.
Recounting
She said that the babysitter had “started laying down” with her when she would take naps, and “She would put on a movie and as soon as her mother left the room, she would kiss my neck and touch me where no one should ever touch a child.”
11.
Unimaginable
“I didn’t like what she was doing. It felt wrong, but she was the only one in that house that was nice to us. I was afraid that if I told her to stop, she wouldn’t want to hang out and play games anymore.”
12.
No Words
All of this went on for about six months, but then the babysitter’s family moved away. Leah wrote that she felt “ashamed” by what had happened, and that “It took a long time for me to find my voice because I didn’t know how to love myself enough to say no.”
13.
Moving On
In another part of the book, Leah writes about a time when she got an abortion and lied about it on Teen Mom 2.
14.
Wow
Remember when she was with Jeremy Calvert and she had a miscarriage pretty early on in their relationship? Yeah, it turns out that’s not exactly how it happened.
15.
Not Over Corey
As she told it, she “definitely wasn’t over” Corey Simms when she and Jeremy got together. She said that Corey was also having “second thoughts” about their divorce, and although she was “twisted up in knots” over the situation, she continued her relationship with Jeremy anyway.
16.
Ouch
She got pregnant soon after, and when she found out, she was “devastated” because “Having a baby with Jeremy would be the end of any chance Corey and I had of making things work for our family.”
17.
Devastated Indeed
“I was sad for myself, but mostly I was sad for our girls. I knew I had f-cked up, and I felt like I had ruined their lives on top of mine.”
18.
Ding Dang
She claimed that her rep at the time told her that it would be best for her “public image” to have an abortion, and the rep, along with Leah’s mother, “came up with a plan” to make it seem like she was having a miscarriage as the pills she got from an abortion clinic took effect.
19.
What a Mess
She said that after she took the pills, her mother called Jeremy, and “When she told him I was having a miscarriage the way she played the role of concerned mother was so damn convincing even I couldn’t tell she was lying.”
20.
Well …
“I remember listening to her talking to Jeremy on the phone and wondering how the hell I had let this happen.”
21.
No Regrets
“It was the worst thing I had ever been through,” she admitted. “I can look back now without regret, but for the longest time, I wasn’t okay with the choice I had made. It felt so dark because it was hidden.”
22.
Telling the Truth
“It wasn’t until I was finally able to bring myself to tell Jeremy what had really happened that I started to realize that as long as I was living with the lie it would keep eating away at me,” she continued.
23.
So Much Pain
“I carried the pain and the guilt around with me for years, until I finally got to the point where I could hold myself accountable for my choices without punishing myself for them.”
24.
So Much for That
Leah said that she’s still not sure if Corey knows the truth about that, but of course it didn’t help them get back together — she married Jeremy, and Corey married his wife, Miranda.
25.
Here Comes Addie!
Leah and Jeremy went on to have their daughter, Addie, but that wasn’t exactly a happy ending — the birth was very difficult, and Leah ended up requiring some painkillers and she ended up developing an addiction.
26.
Oh Wow
We all remember that time since we saw so much of it on the show, but apparently Leah doesn’t remember it at all — she wrote that she was “blacked out” for most of that time period.
27.
No Memory
“A lot of that period of my life is just a blackout to me,” she elaborated. “Even though people will tell me I did things. I don’t remember, or I’ll watch footage of myself on the show and have no memory of it.”
28.
Unaware
She only realized that something was “really wrong” when a producer pointed out that she was pretty much incapable of keeping her eyes open during filming.
29.
Not Getting It
“The crazy thing is, I didn’t even know I was that out of it when they were filming,” she explained. “I’ve been taking a lot of medications, but I’m not a drug addict.”
30.
Looking Back
We already know quite a bit about this since she’s been open about it before, but the trouble started after she gave birth to Addie. She struggled a lot with a pain that her doctors couldn’t quite figure out, and they prescribed her painkillers and anxiety medications to help her get through.
31.
Another Shocker
Eventually she went to rehab, but it turns out there was one specific event that got her there — and that was a near suicide attempt.
32.
One Fateful Night
We’d never heard this story either, but it turns out that one night, Leah went for a drive when she felt “suffocated” by everything that was happening.
33.
Uh Oh
There was the drug addiction, obviously, but this was when she and Jeremy were having real problems in their marriage. She wrote that she was also struggling with guilt over Ali’s muscular dystrophy, even though she hadn’t done anything to cause it.
34.
So Scary
Her father gave her a painkiller “just to take the edge off,” and the next thing she knew she was behind the wheel, speeding down a road and crying hysterically.
35.
Horrifying
She claimed that the car got up to 110 mph, and at one point she remembered turning around to make sure her children weren’t in the backseat.
36.
A Dark Time
“There’s a steep cliff off the side of the road just up ahead,” she recalled. “It would be so easy to drive my car over the edge. Then it would all be over. No more worries. No more failure. No more pain.”
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